Thinking like a (wo)man

The other night my hubby and I were relaxing in front of the TV watching Blade Runner in real-time. We were lying on the couch like slugs in our sweats. He was cuddling our 50-pound dog. We passed a sleeve of Do-si-do Girl Scout cookies back and forth. A commercial for Match.com came on followed by one for eHarmony. 

In my not unusual way of saying exactly what pops into my head at the same time it's popping, I made some joke about the types of things his ad might say that would definitely not attract women.

And I hurt his feelings. I felt terrible about it.

To make it up to him, I crafted a personal ad describing him in a more flattering light. I wrote it with an eye towards highlighting his positive qualities that I thought women would find desirable.

Handsome white male with piercing baby blue eyes is looking for a woman with whom to work-out, cuddle on the leather couch in front of the big screen TV, walk his black Lab mix, and eat candlelit dinners. Easily shares details about his job managing the Ohio office of a nationwide engineering and consulting firm, but eager to hear about your day. Great listener. Likes to take care of his lady in every way.

What woman wouldn't follow up with a guy like that! I thought. I sent it to him to show him that he did indeed have great qualities that women want. That I want.

Then he returned the favor. It was an eye opener. It wasn't anything like what I would have written about myself. Even if I was trying to write from a male POV.

As I read it over again, the difference between what's important to men versus what's important to women really sank in. Even for me, a woman who wouldn't describe herself as stereotypically female (ex: shopping is my idea of torture and I think most gossip is mean-spirited and don't partake.) Here's what my husband viewed as very attractive:

Beautiful hazel-eyed lady with an 18-year-old's body! A bit rough around the edges at times, but very loving and forgiving; loves to be massaged and even allows her man to watch action movies and sports on a fairly regular basis.

Try it with your significant other. Don't belabor it. Take no more than five minutes and write a personal ad about your partner. Have him/her do the same. Compare the two perspectives. Marvel at how men and women really do notice and value different things.

Let me know how it worked out for you.

Kim Van Sickler