Self-pub Journey. Step One: After the editorial evaluation

by Kim Van Sickler

The time feels right to get my human trafficking book out into the marketplace.

After a year of, “Great story, but too edgy for us,” I’m ready to self-publish. I’ve polished the manuscript and have a convincing cheerleader in Dr. Jacquelyn Meshelemiah, a human trafficking educator at The Ohio State University. She encourages me by insisting that my book captures the essence of human trafficking better than any fictional account she’s ever read. She wants to make it required reading for her massive open online course on human trafficking.

So now what?

 

I contacted CreateSpace, the self-pub arm of Amazon for an editorial evaluation. The evaluation took about two weeks and covers issues like plot, structure, and pacing. Overall I’m left with plenty of encouraging comments like this one under the subhead: Writing Style:

The overall style and tone works for the manuscript, given the plot and genre. The syntax, diction, and word choice are appropriate. The author has a gift for incorporating the other four senses (sound, taste, touch, and feel) besides sight into her prose. This works especially well for the sex and rape scenes. For instance, on page 103, it states: “Me on top doing all the work while he lies there like an engorged tick. A tick that oozes fast food and coffee from his large pores.” The author’s voice remains consistent, since she retains a young adult, female voice quality throughout the entire book.

However, there are areas where change is urged. And now I’m faced with deciding whether I am going to venture down those roads or not. The edit recommends I change the name of the book because it “sounds too vague and almost happy-sounding”. Instead, I should reference the darker, more disturbing nature of the story in my title. Even though I consciously chose an innocuous title. One that conjures unremarkable images of an outing with girlfriends, a common place for teenagers to escape Mom and Dad, flirt, and shop. An unremarkable place with pitfalls that every teenager should be aware of.

So do I want to change the title to something darker? I’ll have to ponder that.

The suggestion for change I will really struggle with is the one to nix the three points of view and proceed with my lesbian trafficking victim as the main character. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told that feisty Megan is my strongest character. The evaluator wants the other two victims to become Megan’s back-ups. The reason? “Their backgrounds and experiences are not different enough to warrant separate characters”, even though she felt that, “[A]ll the characters give variety and yet do not confuse the reader”. Again, a trio of victims versus one victim was a conscious decision of mine. The repetitive nature of the indignities they suffer underscores the trafficking nature of the crimes against them. They are cattle. They are a small part of a growing business enterprise: the sale of human flesh for sexual gratification.

http://kailadunn.wordpress.com/page/3/

 Writing from the POVs of the three victims is supposed to amplify the growing magnitude of the problem. I’m fairly sure it’s something I don’t want to change, even if the evaluator thinks writing solely from Megan’s perspective will make the story “more compelling”.

http://safelibraries.blogspot.com/2013/11/LibrariesHarmVictims.html

But the suggestion to amp up some of my setting descriptions, to make them more “evocative and concise”, including the “suburban upper-middle class setting from which the girls are kidnapped”, rings true with me. Settings have always been something I need to go back and flesh out. I will definitely read through the manuscript again and do this.

Have you ever felt strongly against incorporating an agent’s/editor’s suggested changes to your story? What have you done about it?

Tell Me When Blog Hop

by Kim Van Sickler

Congrats to Stina Lindenblatt on her new book and for hosting this blog hop.

My husband attended a conference where he heard a victim speak about being kidnapped at a second job interview. After she was thrown in a car, she was transported to her new life as a sex slave, a horrific experience she endured for the next ten months.

Natasha's story dredged up unpleasant memories for me of times in my life that I felt targeted for sex. For instance:

1. At age 15, being lured to the staff quarters of a 28-year-old cruise ship waiter who tried his best to rape me. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone in authority about it.

Kim (far left) dressed with her family for costume night on that same cruise.

2. While walking to a friend's house when I was 16, a man drove up and asked for directions. After I approached his car, he removed a map from his lap, showing me his erect penis.

Kim as a high school sophomore.

3. During a trip to the mall with a girlfriend, a bridal shop employee begged us to return to his store after hours so we could role-play.

4. Being seduced right out of high school by the 35-year-old restaurant manager at my summer job. He said he was divorced, and he pursued me hard. Turns out he wasn't even separated from his wife.

Kim (second from right) at her high school graduation.

5. At my first college fraternity party as a sorority girl, we were herded into the frat house basement and segregated from the guys until we finished our keg of beer. By the time we were allowed to co-mingle, the guys were trashed, and we were supposed to be too. Our "hosts" were grippy and horny, and it was a humiliating experience.

6. Jogging in the woods at 23 when a man called out to me. When I turned to look, I saw he was naked. I kept running, and he chased me. By the time I made it out of the woods, he was a few strides away from grabbing distance. I never ran alone through those woods again.

Kim right out of college.

I'm lucky that nothing worse happened to me, considering the unwanted sexual attention I got without even trying. And I am, and always have been, an average-looking person. My latest book, The Mall in Gullybrook, explores what happens when three girls are targeted and pursued for their flesh. They don't fare as well as I did. Because, oftentimes, when a manipulator wants you badly enough, he or she will go to great lengths to get you. And nowadays, with the pervasiveness of social media, luring innocent young things who think they are old enough to take care of themselves is chillingly easy.

I wish it wasn't so.

But since it is, I want young girls to take precautions, become less trusting, and not be afraid to report anything that makes them uncomfortable.

The result of not learning this lesson can crush a young life. Rape can't be undone. Better for girls to understand the sexual landscape and stay out of the clutches of pimps, pedophiles, and sexual aggressors. Better than the alternative.

Have you been able to remain unscathed by disturbing sexual advances? If not, if it's not too painful, please share your experience in the comments below. Talk is power. Silence cloaks the perpetrators, and does nothing to prevent it from happening to someone else.

Five things you might not know about the child sex slave industry

by Kim Van Sickler

The genesis for my current WIP was Natasha Herzig.

But then it was infused by the horrors of Ariel Castro, Michael Madison, Jeremy Mack and Ashley Onysk, and the Ashland County woman who was kept prisoner for two years as house slave, sex slave, and all-around punching bag. Topped off by recent prostitution stings. All happening in and around the northern Ohio area where I live. All were uncovered while I was researching sex slavery and preparing to write my book.

The Mall in Gullybrook is my attempt to shine a spotlight on the very real problem of kidnapping everyday American teenagers to serve the sex slave industry. My story follows three teenagers from the fictional town of Gullybrook as they are kidnapped and forced to sell their bodies to survive. Here are some of the things I discovered while writing it.

1. Natasha Herzig, an all-American teenager in California, was approached by a woman working a cosmetics counter at the mall, complimented on her looks, and offered a job working with make-up. She went to a job interview in a seemingly legitimate setting where she filled out paperwork, giving personal information about herself. It was when she was called in for a second interview that she was kidnapped.

Spyder. The man eventually convicted of trafficking Natasha Herzig. From YumaSun.com

2. On July 30, 2013, the FBI announced that it had just rounded up 105 teenagers ranging in age from thirteen to seventeen and 152 alleged pimps in a three-day sweep of seventy-six US cities in Operation Cross Country. Since 2003, the FBI claims to have rescued 2,700 children from prostitution. So many others are still out there or age into adults.

3. Twelve to fourteen is the average age that girls get lured into prostitution. That scary statistic is courtesy of Michelle Hannan, director of professional and community services for the Salvation Army. She says that while traffickers might make an average of $500-$1,000 per girl/per night, the girl might get a trip to McDonald's or a nail salon for her efforts.

4. According to the latest Ohio Human Trafficking Commission study, a female was usually involved at some point in the kidnapping process. Kidnappers and their accomplices find their victims online, at malls, amusement parks, schools. Any place that kids gather. No place is off-limits.

5. Kidnappers are savvy at snagging their victims and forcing them into compliance. Pimps and their accomplices pretend to be an understanding friend or boyfriend, get their victims addicted to drugs, beat them, rape them, imprison them, deprive them of basic necessities like clothing and food, humiliate them, and threaten to harm or kill the victims' loved ones. For instance, in Pensacola, FL, 16-year-old Shauna Newell was invited to a sleepover by a new girl in school. The girl's "father" drove the girls to an empty house and gave the thirsty Shauna a drink of water. She blacked out, coming to while being raped by a stranger. Three days later, after repeated rapes, beatings, and continual drugging, she was found barely alive and airlifted to safety.

Shauna Newell from http://www.bittenandbound.com/2008/10/09/shauna-newell-sex-slaves-in-the-suburbs-video/

When you were a kid, were you aware of sexual predators? Did they ever worry you?