Sad Songs Say So Much (age Twenty-three)

by Juliet Bond

Recently, I heard about a book called, “This Will End in Tears: The Miserabilist Guide to Music.” Because we are on a skintight budget, I hurried over to the local B&N to read it while sneaking
free dollops of half and half into my home brewed jug o’ joe.

I am an admitted sad song junkie.  For years I have been creating annual playlists (once lovingly referred to as mix tapes, then mix CD’s) for my collective of girlfriends in our monthly Dinner Club.  These gorgeous and brilliant dames openly disdain my depressing assortment of suicidal yearnings.  Still, every year I hand out a lovingly fashioned, plastic disc to each something-smells-bad expression on their loyal faces.  (My God, I love my girlfriends!)

Nancy, Shari, Rian and me

Let me explain, sad songs rock.   The right sad song at the perfect time can be the down comforter, broken-in sweatpants, two straight days of movies based on Jane Austin novels, or good ugly cry that you need to get over it, or start to anyway.

At age twenty-three I’d just been through a break up.  The hardest part of that split wasn’t the losing of the guy, who was so wrong for me the actual dating of him was a shock to most of my closest friends.  Let’s just say that he was studying for his PHD in physics while indulging in Dungeons and Dragons-type role-play games on the side.

Perfect for someone, just not me.

We’d gotten engaged and then my subliminal mind kicked into gear, sending me all the way to San Diego for the summer to give myself the space to figure out how ridiculous the whole plan really was.  Thankfully, the guy ended up cheating while I was away and it ended with no grey areas to mull over.

Still, the being cheated on and the calling off of a scheduled wedding were pretty crushing. 

Sad songs were there for consolation.   I blasted Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough,” wallowed in anything Sarah McLachlan and indulged in a little angry Alanis Morissette for good measure. 

Fellow sad-song lover, Jeanne and me at twenty-three

Years later, I heard a podcast on NPR about a woman recently dumped who actually attempted to write her own break up song.  For advice, she called Phil Collins, THE Phil Collins.  Sweet man that he is, he called her back and chatted about how his divorce had inspired some of the most awesome tearjerker hits of the 1980’s. 

Watch, as Phil Collins creates a place of comfort where the bloody remnants of a shattered soul once set up house!

You're totally with me now, right?

And I would remiss if I didn’t mention Adele.  To date, Adele has sold over twenty-two million records, jam-packed with sad songs.   I mean every one of her songs is a lament that reaches into your body, clutches your heart and squeezes just tightly enough to buckle your knees but not actually kill you.  And then, somewhere mid-wail, you start to feel stronger, less alone - like Kiss my backside, broken heart.  I'm movin' on.  

For the most part, I can plot my life, year by year, with the juiciest sad songs I blasted over and over and over again, sopping up my snot and tears with a nearby blanket.

1976 Case of You by Joni Mitchell

1977 Song for Duke by Judy Collins

1979 Big year, lots of silence
1980 Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper

1981 Open Arms by Journey

1982-84 Like, all of middle school = The entire Purple Rain album
1985 I Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon

1986 Live to Tell by Madonna

1987 Queen and the Soldier by Suzanne Vega

1988 Only You by Yaz

1989 Gypsy by Suzanne Vega

1990 Waiting for That Day by George Michael

1991 Closer by Jonathon Richman

1992 How Can I Tell You by Cat Stevens

1993 December (The album) by George Winston

1994 You Learn by Alanis Morisette

1995 Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow

1996 Angel Dream by Tom Petty

1997 Baby Mine sung by Bonnie Raitt

1998 Power of Two by The Indigo Girls

2000 Teddy Bear Named Freddie (Lilly) Bear by Justin Roberts

2003 Useless Desires by Patty Griffin

2004 I Will by the Beatles

2005 For Good from Wicked and Emily by Beth Nielsen Chapman

2006 Mary by Patty Griffin

2007 Songbird sung by Eva Cassidy

2008 The House that Built Me by Miranda Lambert

2009 Superwoman by Alicia Keys

2010 You Are Not Alone by Mavis Staples (and the beautiful Nora O’Conner!)

2011 Glitter by Pink

2012 That Wasn't Me by Brandi Carlile

That’s one heavy mix tape/mix CD/playlist.  My girlfriends are going to shove it in their purses and never listen to it.

But it's perfect, for me.

Now, what are the songs on your sad song mix?

Free therapy

By Juliet Bond

I have a confession.

I didn’t read as a child.   While my children’s book writer friends wax poetic about the books that shaped them – Winnie the Pooh, Alice in Wonderland, Ramona – I smile and nod as if I can relate.  I’m not totally full of crap.  I have read those books.  But I read them as an adult. 

As a child, we didn’t have many children’s books in the house and this never bothered me because I was a singer, a music listener and a dance-around-the-room-in-anything-pink-and-frilly kind of girl.  I also loved old black and white movies, especially those where the heroine lifts the back of her hand to her forehead in despair.

I still love those.

The only real books I remember reading as a child was the Beatrix Potter series and I read those not so much for the stories but for the triumph of finishing a whole book (also, there was something about those Two Bad Mice and their make believe lives within dollhouses that really appealed to me – I’m going to have to explore that one in therapy…) 

But falling in love with children’s books didn’t really happen for me until I had my own children.  The morning I fist brought my tiny son over to our brand new, blue-cushioned rocking chair, sat down and cracked open Goodnight Moon, was a revelation.  The cadence of the words, the lovely pictures, the sound of my voice as I mimicked the old lady whispering hush, was magical!

I joked about roping my young taste in reading into my therapy sessions but there is some truth to the folly.  As my children grew up, I learned to use children’s books to prepare my kids for every new experience:

·      Going to the dentist

·      Staying the night at grandma’s

·      The first day of kindergarten

I also used them as a voice to respond to incidents I hadn’t planned for.

·      A pet dies

·      A friend moves away

·      Navigating a bully at school

In 2003, when a friend of mine went into a coma leaving her three children behind, I looked for a book to help her children cope with and make sense of their unusual situation.  There were no, “parent is in a coma and the outcome is unclear” books so I tried my hand at creating a children’s book just for them.

It worked.  The story I gave them was a (light) balm for their confusion and grief.  And the stories I brought home for my own kids helped them to, if not triumph over difficult situations, feel like they were less alone in them.  After all, Molly Lou Melon had a bully (Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon!), Mean Jean eventually learned to play nice with other kids (Mean Jean the Recess Queen), and Lilly Mouse discovered friends in her new neighborhood (Chester’s Way.)

Reading a book can be a subtle form of therapeutic support.  It can prepare you for life’s challenges or soothe you when the world seems determined to get in just one more ugly punch.

So use books for yourself or for your children.  Use them to learn, to glean pleasure, to bear up and to heal.  Because when you read a book it becomes a part of your identity.  The stories or information sandwiched between soft pages can shape who you are and who you will become, no matter what your age.

TOP 10 REASONS TO ATTEND A HIGHLIGHTS FOUNDATION WORKSHOP

After 27 years of the Highlights Foundation’s week-long summer workshop at Chautauqua, the Foundation has decided to move to a new level this summer. They have created three new week-long workshops, each with a tighter focus, but with many of the same faculty members as Chautauqua. Each of these workshops will serve 33 writers (Chautauqua served 100), and will be held at the Boyds Mills, PA, facility where the Founders Workshops are held—and where the Swaggers met. Using this facility allows them to reduce the cost for attendees. The three new workshops are:
 Writing From The Heart (led by Joy Cowley, Jillian Sullivan, Christine French Cully, & Lori Ries)
 Fiction Writing for Children & Young Adults (led by Patty Gauch, Jillian Sullivan, David Richardson, & Robert J. Blake)
 Nonfiction Writing for Children & Young Adults (led by Peter P. Jacobi, Candace Fleming, Larry Dane Brimner, Lionel Bender, & Stephen R. Swinburne)
 And each workshop boasts a number of special guests to enlighten your experience. Click here for more information.

The original gang, pre-Swagger, meeting for the first time at a Highlights Foundation workshop in November 2009.

As fans of the HF workshops, the Swaggers recommend you select which workshop best meets your needs & give it a try. Here are our Top 10 reasons why:

#10 More affordable than Chautauqua with the same spirit & philosophy
#9 Unparalleled caliber of faculty & staff
#8 Inspiration & valuable tips on craft
#7 Opportunity to bring one’s craft to a higher level
#6 Meeting others who also like to play with Words
#5 A manuscript review from professionals who treat you like a friend
#4 Lasting relationships with some of the industry’s most experienced and successful writers
#3 Focus on one’s individual needs
#2 Time away in a beautiful setting
And the #1 reason to attend a Highlights Foundation workshop this summer is:
Three words—breakfast, lunch, dinner.

Compiled by Juliet Bond, Graziella Pacini Buonanno, & Kathy Cannon Wiechman

Kelly Milner Halls on "Girl Meets Boy," Free Speech and The Writing Process

By Juliet C. Bond

On the first night of my first writing workshop, I attended a barbeque.  It was a beautiful summer evening.  A tent had been erected on a wide back lawn located on the lip of a lake.  Some of the writers were taking boat rides, others stood in circles getting to know one another in the gentle breeze.  

I wandered around making small talk, smiling like I was comfortable when I wasn’t yet. At dinner, I took my plate and sat across from a genuinely smiling woman.  Maybe she doesn’t know anyone here either, I thought.   I introduced myself, proudly sharing that I’d recently had a picture book published.  She said her name was Kelly and told me that she wrote non-fiction picture books.  I can’t remember why, but I shared with her that my favorite children’s book author is Chris Crutcher.  I confided that I’d even sent him an email once telling him how much I admired his stories.

“Really?” She laughed.  “He’s my boss, and one of my best friends.”

It turned out that Kelly Milner Halls was on the faculty of that writing workshop and that she is Chris Crutcher’s assistant.  Chris Crutcher, the only writer I have ever felt compelled to enough to put on my dork hat and send a fan letter to, and I sat right down next to one of his best friends at my first dinner with other writers.  That had to be fate or something even better.  

It also turned out that Kelly is one of the nicest people I have had the pleasure of getting to know.  She has a laser sharp wit, a heart as big and warm as any working hot tub and she's an immensely skilled writer herself.

In fact, Kelly’s own list of publishing accomplishments are too long to tackle!  She’s written thirteen picture books, numerous craft, career and science books and over 1,500 articles, bylines and reviews. Her latest book, Girl Meets Boy, is a series of short stories in pairs that vary from the female and then male point of view.  It’s YA fiction and she contributes her own important piece alongside some of the greatest writers in YA fiction today, including Chris Crutcher. 

Since that first meeting, Kelly and I have become fast friends.  She's given me writing advice, we've debated political issues and we even of shared another mind-blowing meal with other writers when she came to Chicago for ALA.

A few weeks ago, I picked up an ARC of Girl Meets Boy at the NCTE conference.  Kelly was eager for my feedback but, after I read it, I realized that this book is far more than a series of fun stories.  The depth of the issues each character grapples with and their scathingly real voices blaze right through the reader's skin.  They also invite a host of questions I was dying to ask Kelly.  So I did. 

Me: You said in the introduction of Girl Meets Boy that, “truth is subjective.”  In the book, the reader is allowed into the minds of both the boy’s and the girl’s head in a series of short stories by various (awesome) writers.  How did you direct the authors ensure that points of view varied in their subjective truths but stayed authentic?

Kelly: One author, in each pair, took the lead and created the first story.  I asked them only to write a story with a male/female relationship of some kind featured.  It could have been anything -- love, hate, friendship, infatuation, healthy or unhealthy, as long as one boy and one girl were impacted by the turn of events.  I also encouraged them to write the story they've always wanted to write, no holds barred.  I think the writers did a fantastic job in creating diverse scenarios, independent of one another, as well as stories with deep emotional commitment and meaning.

Me: So I just want to jump into the meat of yours and Chris’s story because it was compelling and because I struggled so with the female protagonist.  I know she was damaged by a series of painful experiences but she read as almost ruthless, even when I arrived at her point of view.  In fact, one reviewer described her as a “dangerous girl,” and in your introduction, you described her as “toxic.”   What motivated you to write this girl?

Kelly: I knew a girl in high school who had been molested by her step father.  She talked about how she used her power over him to get the things she wanted.  She was so open, about it, so calculated -- it blew my mind, even then.  She didn't show that angry edge, but I kept thinking how angry I would have been if the people I was supposed to trust exploited me.  So I gave Wanda that edge.  She was dangerous because she felt she had nothing to lose.  She was, in her own mind, ruined -- unworthy of love.  So lust was all she had left.  And there are so many girls out there who fear the same things are true in their lives.  She was toxic, but that was her survival skill.

Me: I was also intrigued by the fact that Wanda wanted to have sex.  I am the advisor to a group of feminist students at Columbia College (called The F-Word) and we’ve just begun to embrace the concept and envision activities around the “power of yes.”  By that I mean, the necessity of girls and women feeling unashamed of their own desire.  There is so much confusion for young men and young women in a sexual exchange because “good” girls are supposed to say no even if they want to say yes.  This tends to put the boy in a situation where he has to push in order to find out if “she really means no.”  For girls who really don’t want to have sex, the exchange can escalate to date rape.  For girls who do want to have sex, they have to pretend they don’t in order to avoid being seen as “slutty.”  So I liked that Wanda was unafraid and unashamed of her sexuality – or was she?

Kelly: No, you're right.  Wanda loved and fully embraced her sexuality.  It was the one place she felt safe and sheltered from her own sense of worthlessness. She didn't have to wonder if she was good at it, because the response was so immediate and so easy for her to recognize.  And in those physical moments, she had power over her body and, in many ways, over her partner's body, too.  She knew she had her sexual strengths.  It was love she doubted.  

Me: The cover of the book is eye-catching.  There is something all consuming about the way the couple is draped over the tree looking as though they are completely exhausted and removed from the world. Did you have any input in the cover of this book?

Kelly: Chronicle Books created that cover and revealed it to me.  So I had no input at all, but I really love it. 

Me: I also thought it was wonderful to include the story of a transsexual character.  There are also mixed race couples, couples whose gender constructs are flipped (the girl is the protector and pursuer if the smaller boy) and a gay character.  You have a link on your web page about your commitment to free speech, any concerns that this book will be banned due to the transsexual content (or any of the conceivably “divergent” content for that matter.)

Kelly: There is not a doubt in my mind, if the book is widely read, it will be widely challenged.  That's not what we set out to do, but after working for Chris for so long, I know it's probable.  Telling the truth so often draws fire.  Sara Ryan and Randy Powell's story about a transgendered character could make it more likely, but I love the story.  I think they handled the awkward quality of some personal relationships in the lives of transsexual people with compassion and candor -- without apology.  It hope it rings true for other kids trying to traverse those waters.  I hope it helps them feel a little less alone.

Me: You have been working with Chris Crutcher for over ten years, how do you think his writing has influenced your own?

Kelly: Of course it has, but not because I work for him -- not because we're friends.  His work influences mine because he is my favorite author, apart from our friendship.  He says I can't be objective, but he's wrong.  I am a tough, tough reader.  My patience for fiction that is less than authentic is almost non-existent.  But when I read Crutcher's books, I am always astonished by how honest he is in crafting his characters and their challenging lives.  He's been accused of stacking hardships against his protagonists to build sympathy, but anyone who has worked with at-risk kids knows he could double the trouble without leaving the realm of possibility.  When it rains, it pours in the lives of troubled teens because one thing leads to another and another and another.  He tells the truth, and I hope I do too.  If I can't, I won't put it out there.  In so many ways, his courage sets the benchmark for all YA authors hoping to write realistic fiction.
.

Me: What’s your writing process? Do you have to get into a special zone, time or place to write?

Kelly: Mine is a little weird because I am known for my nonfiction for much younger readers, and I love those books too.  So I tackle my nonfiction deadlines first, because nonfiction interviews are easier to arrange in traditional working hours.  Then I work on fiction at night.  In a way, nonfiction is my day job, while fiction is what I do after work.

Me: I have a friend who gave me a couple of tiny gremlin-heads I keep by my desk with the quote, “It is not our task to eliminate the gremlins of self-doubt but to educate them.” Do you have any advice for keeping away the gremlins of self-doubt?

Kelly: My daughter, Kerry is also a writer.  The three of us -- Kerry, Crutcher and I -- had breakfast not too long ago.  Kerry had hit a rough patch on her work-in-progress and Chris offered to help.  As she described the doubts she had, her fears, I kept trying to reassure her, to take the sting out of her confusion.  Chris shot me that, "Hush!" look, and it confused me, but I trust him, so I shut my trap.  Later, he called me and I asked why he'd had that reaction.  He said, "Kelly, stop trying to alleviate her discomfort.  It's necessary.  It's part of the writing process." 

To me, the trick is to balance or embrace the fear and to write through it -- to recognize almost everyone's first drafts are pretty bad, but writing is truly a process.  Write the rough first draft, then revise to a smoother second draft.  Stick it out through the third draft, the fourth draft, the fifth draft; whatever it takes to produce the final work that makes it look so easy and natural, once people read it.  

Fear isn't your enemy.  It's a part of the process, so relax and let it be. 

Ten Best Real Headlines That Would Make a Great Book Premise

A reflection of and a few writing prompts to ring in the new year…

10.  Return of the Giant Carnivorous Hermaphrodite Snails (Yahoo News-LiveScience.com, 6-3-2011).

9.     Man With Clown Nose in New Cumberland Poses No Serious Threat (Patriot-News, Harrisburg, Pa., 7-3-2011).

8.     Gold, diamonds dropped into Salvation Army kettles (msnbc.com).

7.     Woman Missing Since She Got Lost (Chicago Sun-Times, 5-17-2011).

6.      Teen Dies of Shaken Baby Syndrome (Chicago Tribune, 3-9-2011)

5.     Boy, 9, suspended for reportedly calling teacher ‘cute’ (from MSNBC.com)

4.     St. Paul impounds fiberglass cow (from MSNBC.com).

3.     Sinead O'Connor Gets a Marriage License in Las Vegas (from People.com).

2.     Slip-Up in Chinese Military TV Show Reveals More Than Intended (from chinadigitaltimes.net).

1.     Sweet deal! Couple finds love in Black Friday line (from msnbc.com)

***
Do you have any headlines to add?

Juliet Bond

Suspense, Scares and Stress: Tips for Keeping Up Suspense in Your Novel

This holiday season, I want to share some tips I have eagerly absorbed during workshops with fabulous authors, editors and agents. Because they are a compilation of goodies from my notes, I am going to share them with everyone who is savvy enough to read and follow this blog J  FOR FREE!  

My holiday present to you!

BEFORE YOU BEGIN

1. What does your character want?

2. What are the obstacles that will prevent your character from easily getting what they want? (Make a list of possibles)

3. Can those obstacles be foreshadowed early in the story?

4. ABACBC – imagine three rainbow-like arcs that all intersect. Storyline A will resolve itself after storyline B has been introduced but the reader will be hooked into B now so they won't want to put the book down.  Then, introduce storyline C before resolving storyline B. These are the smaller storylines that intersect and keep the reader hooked.

5. Set up expectations and then surprise your reader by NOT doing what they expect the MC will do.

THE SLOW REVEAL

1. Begin the story with a character experiencing the after-effects of something, but slowly reveal what that incident was.

2. When nearing the climax, give the reader a sense of speed by using more dialogue, shorter paragraphs and sentences.

ALONG THE WAY


1. Keep your audience guessing – provide little mysteries along the way to keep the reader hooked.
2. “Kill Your Darlings” Put your characters in sticky situations.  Then, throw rocks, sticks and firebombs at them to force them towards an epiphany.

3. Help them find a way down from the tree and make sure the set-up for the rescue – or conclusion, has been hinted at earlier in the book so that the reader recognizes it when it happens. A great example of this is the Newberry winning book “When You Reach Me.” The fabulous ending is embedded so perfectly early in the plot that you feel excited and satisfied when it’s revealed.
4. Eventually, or even a couple of times through – teach your character a lesson.
5. The reader has to feel like they ARE the main character. Chase them into the story and fill them with anticipation. Think roller coaster ride.
6. Sometimes, you want your reader to anticipate something bad is going to happen.

SUSPENSE THROUGH CHAPTER ENDINGS


1. A well-used technique is to introduce action at the end of one chapter that resolves itself in another.
2. Cutting the action early may also engender suspense and cause anxiety in the reader. A good example is My Teacher is an Alien by Bruce Coville, when a mean teacher finds an incriminating note. Before he opens it, the chapter ends and the reader has to hang in there for two more chapters before finding out what the teacher’s reaction is. In the meantime, another storyline/challenge is set up.

3. Hint at stories to come – for example, in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” grandpa starts an intriguing story about a creepy chocolate factory, but it’s bedtime and they are interrupted – can’t finish it until later.
4. Vary the kind of cliffhanger at the ends of your chapters so the reader doesn’t expect the technique or become bored by it (or aware of it.)

SUSPENSE KILLERS


1. Bad dialogue
2. Unnecessary description
3. Forced motivation (Make sure the set up is there and that it’s natural.)
4. Vague action

SUSPENSE CREATORS
1. Creativity and variation
2. Confidence

Last of all, if you are feeling a pull throughout your writing, one that brings you back to your own story with enthusiasm, you know you are on the right track!

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Juliet Bond

A Girl’s Guide to Christmas 2011

A few weeks ago, my friend Rian wondered aloud at the way her children have been going on and on about the “Black Friday” sales. The thing is, her kids have never been to a Black Friday sale. So how did they know of them? Experts now say that, on average, Americans are exposed to more than 2,000 images, stories and ads per day. These ads seep into our brains through newspapers, radio, print, billboards, television and internet.  They tell us, not only what to buy, but who to be. And they generally carry some pretty nasty messages about girls and women through repeated images.

I’m pretty sure you’ll recognize the images as I describe them:

The shockingly skinny girl.

The "Is she dead?" ad.

The woman posed as a child.

And the child posed as a woman.

  The "Woman as object" ad.

The assault ad.

The insult ad.

The TV shows that force girls to grow up too soon.

 The toys and products that do the same.
    

(Oh, this?  This is a padded toddler bra. Yep, I said toddler.)


These ads and products remind me that:
 81% of ten-year-olds are afraid of being fat.
 In the 1970’s the average age of a girl who started a diet was 14. By the 1990’s, the age had fallen to 8.
 Americans spend over 60 billion dollars a year on diets and diet related products.
 42% of 1st through 3rd grade girls say they want to be thinner (source: America the Beautiful II).

Black seems like the right color for a day when the “girl” aisles offer great deals on sexualized dolls whose professions are limited to teacher, nurse and fashion designer. I have to remind myself that there is good stuff out there for girls. You won’t find it on the shelves at Walmart, or in Teen Vogue but it is out there. And it’s worth looking for if you want to counteract some of those 2000+ messages our kids are getting.

Websites:
There are some great websites for girls but my favorite (which has a corresponding magazine) is New Moon Girls featuring poetry, stories and articles written by girls, about girls. The focus is generally on friendships, body image and adventure with resources for parents and some great features like this virtual “button” that girls can use to identify ads that are not respectful of girls and women and celebrate those that are.

www.alreadypretty.com
www.braincake.org
http://www.about-face.org/

Books with Great Girl Characters:
Lovell, Patty.  Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon. Ages 4-10. Molly Lou Melon barely flinches as she systematically sets out to prove herself.

Yolen, Jane. Sleeping Ugly.  Ages 5-10.  Sleeping Ugly reminds the reader that beauty is more than skin deep.

Hannigan, Katherine.  Ida B.  Ages 8-13. Ida B. is a fourth grader whose story will resonate long after you have put this book down.

Cushman, Karen.  The Midwife’s Apprentice.  Ages 11 +.  Our heroine befriends a cat, names herself Alyce, and learns something to deliver babies.

Donelley, Jennifer.  A Northern Light. Ages 13 +.  Mattie's frank and humorous voice reveals much about poverty, racism, and feminism at the turn of the twentieth century.

Collins, Suzanne. The Hunger Games. Ages 13 +.
Amazing survival story set in a post apocalyptic future.

Bray, Libba.  Beauty Queens.  Ages 16 +. Teen beauty queens fight for survival on a "Lost"-like island.
Anything by Carolyn Mackler, Laurie Halse Anderson or Laura Ruby are fabulous!

Magazines:
Teen Voices
New Moon Girls
Bust (for older girls)

Books to Learn More:
Can’t Buy My Love by Jean Kilbourne
So Sexy So Soon by Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne
Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein
Who’s Raising Your Child? Battling Marketers for Your Child’s Heart and Soul by Kathleen McGee

Films for Parents and Older Kids:
America the Beautiful
Still Killing Us Softly
Tough Guise
Miss Representation

This year, I skipped the Black Friday sales to find items that send a better message to the girls in my life.   I’d love to hear what you’ve found. Please send me some suggestions by posting comments! Let’s let girls know that they are (as the fabulous Pink sings) perfect.

Watch Juliet's video here

Juliet Bond

The Gremlins of Self-Doubt

A few years ago I came across a quote by Marianne Williamson. She's one of those life-coach people who appeared on Oprah heavily in the 1990’s and spoke in a soft voice. A very thin woman, she encouraged viewers to engage in “Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever.”
Uh huh, yeah. I did not think I had anything to learn from Marianne Williamson.  As is frequently true, I was wrong.
Here’s the full quote:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

You have to admit in this, if nothing else, the new-agey Marianne nailed it.  

In writing, I am constantly fighting what my friend Linda aptly named "the gremlins of self-doubt.” Linda hosts this holiday party for our critique group every year and one year, I was awarded two tiny bearded heads on a string. Attached to the heads was a slip of paper with the words, “It is not our task to eliminate the gremlins of self-doubt, but to educate them.” When I read the quote out loud, the room sighed in a collective, “Yes!”  That’s because we all have these gremlins. And they aren’t just about failure. Nope. We are also afraid to win.

Crazy, right?

Because here’s the thing: if we succeed, then we’ll have to succeed again…and again.  People will expect us to be more than a one-hit-wonder, better than say Vanilla Ice or the Baha Men.

The Baha men gave us "Who Let the Dogs Out?"  But SEE?  You didn’t know them. They disappeared because they succeeded (Yeah!) but then didn’t succeed again (Boo.)  And now they will forever be known as, well, nobody knows who they are.

Still, are we really going to let those gremlins get us down?  Will we allow their mean voices to whisper sad tales of the Baha Men and their ilk into our ears? Should the gremlins be allowed to keep us from submitting our work to the agents and publishers who can get our words to the wider public, or from writing at all?  No, I tell you!  Hang those bearded heads above your desk and write.  Dangle them from a nearby wall as you read a recommended book about craft.  Shove them in your backpack and head off to a workshop or writing class.

Let.  Those.  Dogs.  Out.

Because when you hear the low and irresistible bumpin’ base notes of "Ice, Ice Baby," you cannot deny the pull. You CANNOT!  You will (even if secretly) gyrate your hips or nod your head because that song ROCKS!

So okaaaay, Vanilla Ice did turn out to be less than we’d all hoped (oh, for another equally awesome-played-at-every-wedding-and-bar-mitzvah hit like THAT!)  And maybe Marianne will offer me only the one brilliant quote. Or the Baha Men will never cause us to fist pump to another song again. But come on people, even if it was only the one awesome thing, they gave the world something astonishing!

We can too.

‘Cause in the end, who are we to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be? Our playing small doesn't serve the world.

Juliet Bond

Interview with Picture Book Author Juliet Bond

Juliet Bond (center) with two of her favorite authors: Carolyn Mackler and Chris Crutcher

Juliet Bond is a professor of Humanities, a social worker, and a writer represented by the Jennie Dunham Agency. She was motivated to write her picture book, Sam's Sister, from experiences she had working as a private adoptions counselor. The book is the only picture book to address open adoption from a birth sibling's perspective. You can read more about her at http://julietcbond.weebly.com/

"Sam's Sister is a work of beauty. The author and the illustrator have done an impeccable job of representing the emotional aspects of open adoption from a child's perspective."
    -Julie Jarrel Baily, Author of The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide  

KVS: The genesis for Sam's Sister happened when you were working with pregnant women who were deciding whether to give their children up for adoption. Tell us about it.

JB: Although society has some widespread stereotypes about who birthmothers are (that they are all naive teenagers who are pregnant for the first time), the truth is that at least sixty percent of birthmothers are between the ages of 20-24 and are already parenting children. As a result, they are making informed decisions based on the financial and emotional realities of parenting.

KVS: Sam's Sister is written from the point of view of the biological sister of a boy given up for an open adoption. What was your goal in writing it?

JB: Sam's Sister was meant to educate about open adoptions and to give birthmothers who are choosing open adoption a model for discussion and intervention for the birth child. For example, in the story, the birth child uses a journal, sees a therapist, visits her mother in the hospital, and her feelings are validated by both the birthmother and the adoptive family. Additionally, the birthmother receives a powerful thank you letter from the adoptive family. These are all clinical tools we use in adoption to care for the emotional health of everyone involved.

KVS: You've also written three stories that appear in Chicken Soup of the Soul series books. What prompted you to write them?

JB: I was interested in the book topics [Tough Times, Tough People: 101 Stories About Overcoming the Economic Crisis and Other Challenges and Teens Talk Middle School: 101 Stories of Life, Love & Learning for Younger Teens] and thought I could contribute something joyful. I love how stories can uplift, provide connection and move readers. One of my favorite quotes is by a female physicist named Muriel Rukeyser who said, "The universe is not made up of atoms. It's made of stories."

Juliet Bond is offering a critique of a picture book manuscript as part of the Swagger Swag Giveaway. ONLY FIVE MORE DAYS TO ENTER. She's also giving away a copy of Sam's Sister and Chicken Soup for the Soul: Tough Times, Tough People, as additional prizes. If you haven't entered to win yet, all you have to do is share the following link: http://swaggerwriters.blogspot.com/
somewhere on the Internet - on your blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc., advertising our site AND follow us. Then, leave a comment below with proof that you shared one of these links. For details on our other prizes for following and promoting us, go to the post for 10/12/11.

Kim Van Sickler

Finding a support network

Some people are really good at networking.  They use their natural charm to fill strangers with sunshine and uplifting theme songs.  These people show up for networking events wearing just the right outfits. They make jokes that everyone laughs at and they laugh at everyone’s jokes. When they tilt their luminous heads and say goodnight, the whole room aches to follow them home.

Then there are writers.

On the whole, writers have a reputation for being awkward in social situations. After all, sitting at a desk all day creating alternate realities while wearing sweatpants and occasionally breaking to scrounge for non-molding leftovers in one’s refrigerator, doesn’t exactly build social skills.

So when writers get together, it’s a little like assembling an assortment of mismatched dolls at a tea party.  Everyone sizes each other up, wondering what they could possibly have in common with the others. There is shy Barbie whose deeply rooted fantasies have been channeled into fabulous sci-fi novels with badass female main characters. Sitting next to her might be gentle Madame Alexander. She’s mined the landscape of her experience and memory to weave together prose so gorgeous it makes your teeth hurt to read it. Often, there will be a stuffed animal type. This writer/doll pours out the content of their heart with such skill that the reader can actually see their glistening guts and throbbing heart.

Also, sometimes there will be a guy at this tea party.

This is less common in groups of children’s book writers, but it does happen. The male doll might possess any of the aforementioned doll personalities or he might be rocking his own unique G.I. Nerd or Don’t Care Bear.  But when these writer dolls sit down for imaginary tea and invisible crumpets served on plastic plates, the thing they all have in common is their predictable discomfort at being surrounded by strange dolls who they should “get to know.”

Two years ago, I went to one of those tea parties. It was a retreat of sorts – a few days of sharing work and participating in writing exercises. It turned out to be an altogether pleasant experience. I learned a few useful tips about craft, chatted awkwardly with a big New York editor and made polite small talk with the other writer/dolls.

So I was a little perplexed when one of them suggested an “alumni workshop.”

“Hey,” she grinned.  “Let’s all get together and do this again!”

“Yes!” Another chimed in.  “How about two years from now?”

I nodded agreement, thinking, I’m up for it, but more than likely I’ll never see these dolls again. I flew home from the tea party relieved to return to my messy desk and the half-eaten box of pop tarts hidden on a nearby shelf.

But it wasn’t too long before e-mails poured in from the other dolls. We swapped Christmas cards. I slept in one’s living room on an out-of-town trip and visited another just to see her new baby and eat a fabulous lunch at her favorite local restaurant.  One of the dolls, whose writing makes me drool with joy, took me under her wing by critiquing my work and suggesting clever tips to improve it. Another joined my online critique group.

I learned things about the other writer/dolls that made it clear we did have things in common and even if we didn’t, I could appreciate the difference with respect and sometimes awe. I learned their stories.

Two years came and went and it was time for that “alumni workshop.” We crossed the country on planes and in cars to get back to the place where we’d originally met, under the careful nurturing of Kent Brown and the Highlights/Boyds Mills Press family.

And the magical thing about the second time around was that, after two years of building relationships, of shedding our uncertainties and tearing the plastic from our skins…we were no longer dolls.

Now we were ourselves, messy, imperfect and infinitely accessible. This time, we shared and wrote without fear. We laughed, cried, drank wine and leaned against one another, rejoicing in the small triumphs of words put together to form flawless images or evoke faultless emotions. A visiting editor remarked, “This is a really unique group! You guys seem to have such a lovely rapport!”

And we did--we do.

This is more than a pleasure. It’s a gift in a world where writing is solitary and sometimes competitive (even for those who write for children.) We need others to lift us out of the dark places and battle self-doubt. We need them to tell us when the work isn’t good enough and help us to make it better. We need their stories to assist us in shaping our own. True camaraderie is powerful in its ability to uplift and instill drive, but it’s often hard to come by.

I won’t stop donning my doll attire and attending tea parties. Networking is a necessary activity in publishing.  But I’ll carry inside me the knowledge that, somewhere in the Pennsylvania hills, is a room of writers who have my heart and have my back. And that kind of knowledge can bring a writer the kind of confidence that just might help them to leave sunshine and echoes of theme songs in their wake.

Juliet Bond