Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Addiction

by Kim Van Sickler
http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/
Click on the pic to learn more.

Someone very important to me is a heroin addict. I found out a month and a half ago. His addiction started with prescription pain killers (he ended up buying them from a shady Indianas in from Indiaoutfit that hijacked his cell phone until he re-ordered, giving him a brief moment of peace before the process began all over again).


From there he started snorting heroin and finally injecting it directly into his veins. He got the heroin from an escort he had been seeing on and off for many years. But sometime within the last year he had convinced himself that he belonged with her.


His wife was the first of his inner circle to find out. She was willing to help him through his addictions but drew a line at allowing him to keep this other woman in his life in any way, shape, or form.

My friend, "Reese" balked. He couldn't just kick this other woman, "Jessie" out of his life. They were going to get clean and then really get to know each other. What if she was the woman of his dreams? She already knew how to make him feel good. That must mean they were compatible. The fact that Jessie was 20 years younger, had barely earned her GED (compared to his Master's degree), had taken no steps to detox herself in all of the years that they'd been getting together, but still managed to separate Reese from a lot of his money in his belief that he was helping her, was lost on him.
http://yourfirststep.org/facts-about-heroin-addiction/
If you had put my friend in a line-up of people and asked EVERYONE who knew him who is the person they think least likely to degenerate into a life of drugs and escorts, every single one of them would have picked Reese.

Which just goes to show how wrong we mere mortals can be about each other.

I have to tell you that watching what Reese and Jessie have been going through has shaken my very foundations. I am reassessing everything in my life, wondering what is true and what is MY illusion. This travesty has made me realize the need to verify what I want to trust. No more blind faith in earthly matters. Every dream needs to be examined in the light of day and reassessed on a regular basis.

How can one man veer so horribly out of control? Behave like a normal person outwardly but emotionally become so changed that he no longer makes any sense? And drag so many people who love and care for him along on his tsunami-like ride?

We are not islands. The choices we make impact others, sometimes severely. And our ways of looking at the world are so subjective and so easy to twist to fit our momentary desires. It's scary. I'm scared. For Reese and his wife and their kids, parents, and siblings. For his friends who can't believe what he's done. For what addiction can do to a decent human being.

Addiction is a lifelong problem. Addicts are never cured. Their addiction is only managed. Day by day. And any number of things can and do trigger relapses. Every day heroin addicts die of overdosing. (Most commonly coming off a period of sobriety when they misjudge how much heroin to ingest since they don't need the higher levels their bodies had been used to getting.)

Reese told me that he thought as long as his problems remained a secret he didn't think he was hurting anyone but himself. He stopped himself from thinking through the ramifications of his actions.

Chilling lack of awareness, denial, and self-absorption. Wrapped up in an attractive man who speaks well and can usually get you to see and understand his opinion.

Reese makes me insecure about life.




30 comments:

  1. Aloha Kim,

    Wow... no words I write can bring comfort to Reese, but I hope that somehow, someway, someone (perhaps it's you...) can help him to attend at least one NA meeting.

    My demon is under control for now, but the little bastard is always there, always waiting to be let free, or escape...

    For what it's worth, Reese, his family and the ones who care/love him are in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish you all the very best...

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    1. Thanks, Mark! Reese does have people helping him, me included. He has attended a few NA meetings and his family attends Nar Anon meetings. They are all trying to heal and figure out what happens next. Glad to hear you're winning your own battles. "Just for today" is the NA mantra.

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    1. Much appreciated, Ann. Send some positive energy out to Reese and his family too. Thanks!

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  3. So very sorry, Kim. This sounds like a devastating situation. My heart goes out to everyone involved in this.

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    1. Thanks, Natalie. It is devastating, but not insurmountable. It requires soul searching, commitment, forgiveness, and will power. In other words, lots of hard work. But the payoff might very well be a changed outlook on life and a renewed appreciation for what is truly important. We all hope so anyway.

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  4. Powerful story. It is amazing how we really don't know what is always going on around us. My quiet, intelligent white collar neighbor was addicted to crack, liquidating all his assets and savings until his home foreclosed, putting his family out in the street. We had no idea, and in fact often felt sorry for him because his wife was very unstable and caused a lot of family drama. Now I have to wonder if the instability we saw in his wife was the reason for his addiction, or if we had it all in reverse--his addiction caused her instability. Either way, two great kids had their whole lives turned upside down and it was so very sad.

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    1. Angela, it could have very well been that your neighbor's erratic behavior behind closed doors caused his wife's instability. Seems like you can drive yourself insane trying to find the logic in the user's thought process. Horrible for the kids.

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  5. woah.
    i thought that only happened in books and movies... but then again, i have a cousin with a drug story. drugs mess you up! (i probably wont go to colorado again...) i feel like people who turn to drugs are missing something in their lives, trying to fill a void - and they should fill it with God, but that's just my humble opinion. "Reese's" belief that he wasnt hurting anyone as long as it was a secret is probably a common one.

    i hope things turn around for them, all of them. and you put things into perspective on how good many of us have it. (and shouldn't take it for granted!)

    ps - thanks for commenting on my cover reveal.

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    1. Tara, in NA and Nar Anon they tell you to work on your relationship with your higher power. Believing in something/someone greater than yourself is a key component to recovery. So is being able to forgive yourself.

      So excited for your big cover reveal. I'm hoping big things for you!

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  6. Addiction is a vile and seductive villain. My cousin lost her only son to an overdose a couple years ago, and many people who loved him will never be the same. Not only should Reese seek help, but his family as well. Al-Anon has great programs for the family members of addicts. Unfortunately, the addicts rarely realize how much their behavior affects everyone around them. Good luck to you & your friend.

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    1. Yet if they can be made to see how horrifically their actions affect others, shouldn't that help them to recover? Maybe only as long as they sense that these same others can forgive, and the addict isn't so overwhelmed by the immensity of what he's done that he can forgive himself too. Awareness and forgiveness seem paramount and intertwined. Reese initially went through a stage of thinking that the people who loved him would never forgive him and maybe he could not forgive himself, so why even try? Maybe it was better to embrace the dark side, because that is what he deserved.

      Sorry about your cousin and her son. You're right, the loved ones he left behind can't help but feel betrayed and short-changed. Nobody deserves this kind of pain.

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  7. Wow, that is terrible, Kim! I hope he gets help and get cleaned up before it destroys him and all the lives around him.
    I think that's why you can't place total faith in people, because people will stumble and fail.

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    1. I think you've hit on something important there, Alex. There is something about Reese that made so many people trust him implicitly. But some of it was an act of a man determined to hide his addiction. He is only human and so is fallible. But for some reason we expected more.

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  8. This is a heartbreaking story that hits pretty close to home for me. I was in a past relationship where my ex followed nearly the same path and ended up in prison. There is nothing anyone can do to talk him out of it. When he hits rock bottom, if he is lucky, he will realize what needs to be done and do it. The people in his life can only help to give him guidance and support when he is ready to accept it. I am sorry for what you are going through and have you, Reese, and his family in my prayers.

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    1. So sorry about your ex. Prison does seem like a nearly worse-case scenario because while it may provide an opportunity to sober up, it also impairs the convict's ability to resume normal life by saddling him with a criminal record, thereby affecting his ability to find a decent job. Since Reese was making a good living, it would be devastating to Reese and his family if he lost his livelihood. I hope it never comes to that. I pray he's hit rock bottom already and will pick himself up and turn himself around before it comes to prison.

      How terrible your ex's experience must have been for you and still is if he is someone you care about and plan to keep in your life. I hope he figures things out soon and stops causing you pain. Thanks for connecting with me here.

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  9. Kim keep your head up and look within. The fact that you haven't fallen into this trap means you have done things right. Moral fiber is very important but so is defying temptation. I decided from a young age to not drink because I felt alcohol held no true benefit especially compared to the chances of addiction. My mother always warned us to be careful about the kind of medicines we took. In life we have choices and while it is fun to enjoy life it is best to be ever vigilant. If Reese never met Jesse or that Indian, who knows what might have happened. Wishing him all the best in leaving his addiction behind.

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    1. I have been very aware of addictive behavior since this began unfolding. Alcohol, sleeping pills, caffeine...all addictive substances have been removed from my life for now. For my family's sake, I must ensure I don't ever start down that self-destructive path. For Reese's sake, I must stay strong, clear-headed, and healthy.

      Thanks for your well-wishes, Sheena-kay.

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  10. I really feel for you. The only addiction I've ever wrestled was nicotine, and it was hell breaking free from it. I can only imagine how much worse would be heroine. You and your friend are in my prayers.
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

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    1. Thanks, Debi. Congrats to you for prevailing over nicotine. Lots of people are never able to do it.

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  11. I lost my niece to crack. She'd dead. Send him to jail, or a hospital, but don't let it go on. Each hit (or whatever it's called) is a game of Russian Roulette.

    Anna from Shout with Emaginette

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    1. If only it was up to me. But I hear you, it's better to turn the addict in than try to hide the problem or worry about appearances. So sorry about your niece.

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  12. So sorry to hear this heartbreaking story. Addiction is so cruel. (I don't even like the common idea that people need coffee to function.) Imprisonment without bars. I think your line "no blind trust in earthly matters" sums it up well. I don't believe we can depend only on humans, whether ourselves or others.

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    1. Nope. Only in that higher power. You think I would have known that already. But you sure can get lulled into thinking certain people are nearly perfect, and I thought that about Reese.

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  13. I'm sorry to hear about your friend's struggles. I know how dark and consuming this is. Like you say in your previous reply, yes, it can be overcome with a higher power--may they seek and find (if not already) and conquer!!!

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    1. Hi Elizabeth; he's got a lifetime ahead of him of trying to stay away from his twin vices. It's not going to be an easy journey, but we are all praying that he finds the strength to persevere and triumph.

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  14. I wish you well on your efforts to help lift up your friend's life. Addiction can really be a black hole, which one could get stuck in, where there seems to be no exit. However, this can also be a situation where we can find ourselves in with respect to our potential reactions. This is why education is really important, not only in helping us understand the sickness and addiction itself, but the limits in the various ways that people cope with it as well. Empathy is what will help us calibrate and adjust our prescriptions and treatments, and thus expedite our recovery.

    Scott McKinney @ Midwest Institute For Addiction

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    1. Reese's friends and family have certainly been educating themselves recently. Let's hope it helps. We want Reese out of that black hole.

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  15. Poignant, yet sad post. Most grabbing is how he thought that the only one he was affecting was himself. Our behaviors ripple outwards affecting others-- always. Good reminder. And actually, there are many types of addictions. Not just drugs.

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