Monday, March 19, 2012

FRIENDS

Two years ago, as my birthday approached (one where the number of years makes my family plan a party to remind me I’m no spring chicken), I knew party ideas were being tossed about. I begged my family, “Please, no party. It’s not a birthday I want to celebrate.”

“But why?”

“Because I thought by the time I reached this age, I’d have a lot more to show for all my years of writing.” But there I was, with no published book, not even a contract for one. For me, the birthday would be a reminder of my failures.

My sister Pete (yes, Pete is my sister’s name) said, “But look at everything your writing has given you. You love it, and you’ve made a lot of friends through your writing.”

She was right, but at the time, all I could see was my lack of success. I’d been through revisions for a couple editors who liked my writing, but in the end, did not offer a contract. And my tunnel vision wasn’t ready to see the whole picture. I stuck to my guns. No party.
File:Birthday decoration.jpg
But last year I finally thought seriously about Pete’s words. I DO love writing. It’s as much a part of me as my crooked teeth and hammer toes. And I’ve critiqued a number of books that went on to be published.

And I thought about those friends:
-critique partners & critique group friends
-successful author friends (Kathy Erskine “liked” my facebook post yesterday!)
-editor friends and friends in the publishing business (One of them is now my husband’s fishing buddy.)
-friends who extend hospitality and the warmth of their homes to me & Jim when we’re away from ours
-the friend who asked my daughter to illustrate his book
-the friend who dedicated one of her books to me
-friends who have mentioned me in their acknowledgements
-friends who respect my writing ability enough to want me to teach them how I do what I do
-the friend who reaches out a financial hand when I’m scraping up funds for a workshop
-friends who come over to play Balderdash every Christmas (I met them in critique group.)
-the friend who made sure I got my muzzleloader question answered (see AUTHENTICITY post, 1/5/12)
-and the friend who showed up, muzzleloader in hand, to teach me how to use it
-the long-distance friend who believes in the art of letter writing & makes me eager for the mailman’s visit
-the friend who urged me to attend a writers' retreat with her in February
-and the new friends at that retreat who welcomed me as one of them
-the friends who shore me up when the rejections come, and encourage me to keep plugging away
-one of my dearest friends who I’ll have dinner with tomorrow (I met her in critique group.)
-And of course, the Swaggers, that close group, whose love & friendship reaches across miles.

This blog was the brainchild of Kim, who returned from an October walk and said, “We could do a blog.” Kim recently forwarded an e-mail from an old friend of mine who’d seen my name on the blog & wanted to get in touch again after more than 30 years. One more plus garnered through writer friends.
 Paperback book black gal.svg

Last year I reconsidered Pete’s words and asked myself, if I had the choice between a published book & the friends I’ve made through writing, which would I rather have? An easy decision. I’d choose the friends.
Of course, I still hope I can have both, but in the meantime, I’m a happy writer—and I’m ready for that party!

Kathy (far right, back row) with new friends at Carolyn Yoder's Highlight's retreat in February 2012

Kathy Cannon Wiechman

24 comments:

  1. Sounds like a great choice. Friends are so important. Loved your post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful post. I love your sister's advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Ann, my friend. It's a shame it took me so long to absorb the importance in Pete's words.

      Delete
  3. Let's party. I'll meet you in California, dear friend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm down for that! of course you know I don't really like to party too much so it'll have to be a somber occasion.

      Delete
    2. I guess we can tone it down a bit for our Aussie friend, right, Gina?

      Delete
  4. *Oh my goodness, you are so blessed to be surrounded by such a support group! Best wishes for achieving your publishing goals, though you have already accomplished so much! And Happy Birthday to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Dawn, for the birthday wish & other wishes. It's true that I'm blessed. I'm glad I finally realized just how much.

      Delete
  5. I needed to read this. I have a birthday coming up too and I was bemoaning the SAME thing.

    I have several books published and more on the way, but it's funny that I don't feel that I've accomplished very much. (Of course, maybe I'm older than you so I feel I have to hurry. LOL)

    But what you said struck a chord with me. I've made so many friends--good friends. They are my greatest success and joy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's all in the perspective, isn't it, Maria? It was one of those "George Bailey moments" when I realized exactly what I have. If my realization helped you, then we're both richer for it.
      PS. I bet I'm older than you.

      Delete
  6. If there's anyone out there that hasn't received more from you than has been given, I'd like to meet them, because the only reason would be, that they are friends you haven't met yet!

    You are without doubt one of the biggest inspirations to me, your dedication to writing is absolutely amazing, and your willingness to "Aid and Abet," us struggling writers is far and beyond reason.

    Your friendship has not only literally changed my life (ACWP instead of actually working for a living!) and made me, what I hope is a better writer for it.

    You my friend along with that wonderful supportive husband of yours are blessings beyond compare.

    Now pass the cake baby.

    xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blubber, blubber,sniff! Pass the tissues please. You can really lay it on, Egan. Seriously, you were an awesome writer before we met, & if reminding you to put your A in the Chair has helped your progress, I'm happy to oblige. Friends always!

      Delete
  7. What Jon said - cause he said it perfectly! I love you, Kathy!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sounds like you have been blessed with lots of great friends. Now that's something to celebrate!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is indeed! I am grateful for every one of them. And for people like you who read blogs.

      Delete
  9. What a nice way to look at friendship.

    I'm always sad about getting older. But I try to keep in the back of my mind, what's the alternative?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point, Theresa. I try not to think about the alternative. And being sad about aging is a distraction from all the things I could be happy about. Be happy!!

      Delete
  10. *Copy and paste Jon's post here*, because he certainly said what's on my heart. I count it a privilege to be in your circle of friends, dear Kathy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Back at ya, Nora. And thanks to you, I can copy & paste. Happy birthday to you! Don't count the years; count the friendships.

      Delete
  11. Kathy,

    As I've said before, your writing voice is a gift that's bound to break loose and be enjoyed by an even wider audience than the many of us who admire and treasure your words.(Not to mention your friendship.)We just never know the timing of these things.

    In the meantime, get set to have your name again in print next year, when this hammer-toed author's first YA comes out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sandra, I value your friendship, too. I'm so looking forward to seeing your wonderful YA in print! And you have hammer toes, too?

      Delete